Sex, lies and audiotape

by planetparker

One of the most unfortunate aspects of Enda Kenny’s foray into the highways ad byways of mendacity is that it was caught on tape. The experiences of Brian “head-the-ball” Lenihan Sr with the research assistant should have been enough to warn Enda of the wisdom of the old paradigm “Whatever ya say say nothin’” As a result all future public meetings involving Enda or leading members of the government will be banned and will be before a “guests only” audience, which will be strip-searched beforehand for any concealed recording equipment. All meetings ibvolving Enda organised by Fine Gael will be open only to those who can show a clean Fine Gael pedigree, including a signed testimonial by General O’Duffy or the local bishop concerning their involvement in the struggle against communism in Spain will be sufficient. What is more the party leader will not so much speak as address his audience through sign language, If that doesn’t go down well with the punters recourse may be had to an old trick employed by Enver Hoxha in Albania – a lookalike will be put in to replace the real Enda Kenny. He will look and talk like him, but if  such a figure cannot be located someone of equal height and similar accent will be forced to undergo plastic surgery until he resembles the real Enda. This person will make all of Enda’s speeches and if he makes any commitments about keeping a brothel open or extending the opening hours for a VD clinic, the government can immediately say: “It wasn’t Enda what said it”.

 It is a bit rich now to claim that he made the commitment without knowing that Roscommon hospital was a death-trap, to be avoided by all healthy people. Surely, if that was the case, some of the politicos in Roscommon would have alerted him to it. And how can a hospital, parts of which were built only in the last ten years, have dilapidated to such third world conditions? If it is true surely those charged with its maintenance, and who got paid to keep it on par with health facilities elsewhere, have a case to answer.